NEW ORLEANS — I want the 2022 New Orleans Saints to bore me. Being bored is preferable to watching a team that for 3 weeks is seemingly committed to eating paste, playing in traffic, and shoving their fingers into any electrical socket they can find.
The Saints have committed 8 turnovers, allowed 11 sacks, missed 2 field goals, had another field goal attempt blocked, and committed 24 penalties. It's an avalanche of terrible. Watching the Saints play offense isn't so much torture as it's like watching a Lamborghini being driven into walls, on the sidewalk, and into mailboxes.
Who's the driver? Maybe it's Jameis Winston, maybe it's offensive coordinator Pete Carmichael Jr.? Doesn't really matter. The bottom line is a Lamborghini just smashed headfirst into a guard rail. The Saints have scored 13 points in the first 3 quarters combined the first 3 weeks.
The Saints are too talented to be this awful. An offense with Alvin Kamara, Michael Thomas, Jarvis Landry, and Chris Olave should not be a Taysom Hill run away from not scoring a non fourth quarter touchdown.
Chris Olave is on pace for 1500 yards receiving! I have no idea how good this Saints offense can be, but it definitely shouldn't remind me of watching Mike Ditka yelling at the Billy Joes to stop being atrocious. All you young Saints fans out there who don't know who the Billy Joes are, don't Google it. You are better off not knowing.
Saints, I'm not asking you to be a good offense. At this point, that's probably too much to ask. Jameis Winston is who he is, so great offense is something we are only going to be able to remember and not look forward to on Sundays.
I'm asking you to not be terrible. Go out there and bore us with 26 runs for 110 yards, 19 pass completions for 175 yards, and 23 points. No turnovers, just a couple of penalties, and try not to be burning trash can on special teams. Cool?
Maybe score 10 points in the first half? Nothing too wild.
The goal in London, besides drinking tea, eating fish and chips, or whatever people over there do on Sunday mornings, is to bore us for 3 plus hours with humdrum, monotonous football that goes 5 yards at a time, mostly forward and rarely backward. Boring is the new cool thing. All the excellent football teams are doing it. You might like, I promise I will.
Saints Fan Mood & Meditation Music: Highway to Hell -- AC/DC
The music choices are getting obvious around here, but the Saints season is on the brink of collapse. Does this team, coach, and quarterback give you any confidence? These next few weeks will define Jameis Winston's career. It doesn't have to be fair but if he keeps playing poorly and the Saints keep losing he will be added to the list of #1 overall picks who never succeeded. History won't care why, it'll just say 'He failed.' The end.
The 2022 Saints, and by extension the fans, are on the highway to hell. The only way off is winning. For Dennis Allen, for Jameis, for all of us.
The Games
Last Week: 3-2
Season: 8-7
Minnesota (-2.5) vs New Orleans Saints: The Saints defense has played really well the last 2 weeks, allowing 13 and 15 points. The Vikings offense, even though it's only average, is a giant step up from the Bucs and Panthers. If the Saints don't generate first half offense this game will be non-competitive by the 3rd quarter.
Maybe those cool new black helmets will help? If they don't, the Saints can dump them in the Atlantic Ocean on the way back to NOLA.
Until I actually see the Saints play well on offense for a sustained period of time I don't believe they are capable of it. Saints need to give us a reason to believe 2022 can be something other than a Fall full of catastrophic Sundays. Look at the bright-side, since the game is London, the squalor and torment will be over before noon.
Vikings 27-10
Atlanta (+1.5) vs Cleveland: The Falcons look annoyingly decent.
Falcons 24-20
Kansas City (-2) vs Tampa Bay: The most frustrating thing about 2022 won't be the Saints offense being terrible, it'll be the entire NFC South being mediocre from top to bottom and the division being right there to be won with 10 wins.
Chiefs 27-13
Jacksonville (-6.5) at Philadelphia: The Eagles are good and look to be in possession of the Saints 2023 first-round pick, which looks likely to be top 10. I hate everything.
Jags 29-22
Arizona (+2) at Carolina: The Cardinals could be in the Sean Payton sweepstakes. The more teams the better, heaven knows the Saints will need the picks.
Cardinals 22-17