COVINGTON, La. — A Covington woman, who was adopted as a baby, has always wanted to know who her birth parents were, but with a closed adoption it became impossible.
But now DNA technology is making closed adoptions, in some ways, ineffective.
And for one woman, it helped end decades of searching.
Joni Soboloff could have never imagined how a life-long mystery would finally unravel and with a surprising turn, after nearly 60 years.
“Everyone is a combination of nature and nurture. I have always wanted to know from the time I was conscious,” said Joni Soboloff, 64, of her birth family.
She grew up in a loving New Orleans family. Her dad was an orthopedic surgeon. Her lifestyle was idyllic, but like many adoptees, she wanted to know since childhood how she came into the world.
“I could have walked into vital records with both my birth mother, and my adoptive mother, and me, and it would have been illegal for me to have my original birth certificate. Why do we not have the same rights that everyone else has?” she said.
In between a career as a realtor and raising two children, she spent thousands on searchers, private eyes, joined support groups, and fought to get laws changed. There was nothing but false leads.
“What I was told was that my birth parents were from New York. Nobody was ever from New York,” Soboloff said.
Then 10 years ago, DNA test kits came out. She bought stacks and handed them out to grow the database.
“My greatest hope on finding my birth mother was that it would help her heal,” she said.
Five years later, she got a match on her father's side.
When asked what went through her heart and soul, Soboloff answered, “It's like, ‘Oh my God! I've got a brother!’ I didn't know if my parents were alive or dead. I didn't know if I had any siblings.”
That first contact with him took courage. There's the fear of rejection.
“‘So, are we like cousins?’ It's like, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Are we like siblings?’ It's like, ‘Uh huh.’ He's like, ‘Oh my God!’ I said, ‘I know!’” Soboloff laughs.
She met her father and her new-found half-brother and sister. An uncle helped with a potential name of the teen girl from back in the 1950s who might be her biological mother. And sure enough, a couple of relatives on that side, had already come up in her Ancestry tree. But here's where the story takes a surprising turn.
“The mystery of all of this is that, here's this person looking, going to all these expenses and troubles to make that connection, and it was right there for her,” said family friend Dr. Malcolm Guidry.
Joni has known Dr. Guidry, and his daughter Dionne, for 25 years. Back in the late 70s, the Guidrys lived out of state, next door to Joni's birth mother, who even sewed for the family. Decades ago, when Malcolm moved his family back home to Covington near Joni, her birth mother made regular trips there to visit. Facebook uncovered that connection.
“I was surprised because I knew her birth mother for all those years, and this had never come up,” said Guidry.
“And that's so common for women that have surrendered children. It is a wound that never heals. They don't know if the child is alive or dead, loved, abused,” Soboloff said of her mother needing a little time before they met.
Malcolm asked Joni's birth mom if they could meet. It took a little time, but she said yes.
“It was really interesting. We had the same hands. We had the same fingernails. It was just really kind of cool to finally see somebody I looked like,” remembers Soboloff.
She can even fit exactly into a suit, custom-made for her birth grandmother. Joni found out she has two half brothers on her mother’s side.
“It was a good surprise, because we really enjoy having Joni in the family, and now we're able to do stuff with her, and we really enjoy her company, but it was definitely not the phone call you expect,” said Eric, Joni’s maternal half brother.
In some ways it's been cathartic for Eric, helping him understand some generational family dynamics. For Joni, she is happy that a state law changed a year ago, allowing adoptees to get their birth certificates. She finally saw hers. It's filled with false information and a birth date that her birth mother thinks is made up. But Joni's keeping the birthday she’s always known, and her passion to help other adoptees search.
“It's a blessing to be able to help other people get their answers,” she said.
Joni says both her mothers got to meet before her adoptive mother passed away. They went to Joni's daughter's baby shower.
If you are searching, you can contact Joni here:
She says you can also get a Search Angel from one of these groups:
- Search Squad
- DNA Detectives