NEW ORLEANS — When we say the word fear, it's not a word we typically associate with a loved one. Monique Bailey did, she became fearful of her partner, but the mother of four stood up to her fear.
She embodies the meaning of adversity and is now encouraging other survivors of domestic violence to do the same. This month several survivors were celebrated by the New Orleans Family Justice Center.
Women like Monique Bailey turning a fearful experience into experiences to be celebrated.
Bailey said, "My earliest memories are not the circus, not the park. It's seeing my mum get pushed through a deck window nine months pregnant with my brother... I thought, when I get big, I'm not going to go through that."
Monique Bailey never imagined the man she married, the man who was her comfort and solace, would become the man she feared the most.
"After four kids, 10 years of marriage, his character started to change", she said. "And I no longer felt safe, and he was threatening me constantly, saying, If I think you're cheating, I'm going to beat the f out of you. I'm going to stomp the f out of you."
"There was a morning he came home, and yet again, he was accusing me," Bailey said. "And for an hour and a half, I was scared to even use, get up, to use a restroom, because I didn't even know if this would be the day it was triggered, and he would just just explode."
Bailey says her priority became getting herself and her four kids to safety, "I'll never forget my son's teacher, he was in first grade... she said, Are you okay? And I wrote her a note on a post-it and said, I have to leave immediately. Please pray for me."
She fled. The fear of her now ex husband always lurking, she wrapped her protective wings around her children and drove for days to Iowa.
"There's some fortitude that rises in me every time I think about my kids. Need to see me win," she said. "So even though I might be scared on my own, I have to be courageous for them, and it helps me to block that out."
Bailey's strength and resilience were again tested, she had to find a way to feed four mouths. "To make sure they weren't under a bridge, because I somehow couldn't figure this out."
Sharon Henry with the New Orleans Family Justice Center says survivors like Bailey are giving others hope, saying, "Primarily our services and our numbers have increased significantly on a daily basis we may see an average of 10-15 intakes."
She went on to say, "Now they are not only surviving they are thriving and growing and they came back to share their stories and to give hope and encouragement to those that may be suffering."
Bailey is showing not only survivors but her own children that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel if you look hard enough.
"I bought the LSAT book... took the test, got in, and the rest is history. And the beauty of it is that not only did I go on to go to law school, along the way, I earned not one, but two additional degrees."
She's urging women to recognize signs of control, to find the courage to stand up to their abusers and remind them, that their voice is their most powerful tool.
"An anaconda is a huge, strong snake. It can never chase you down, but it wraps around you gently, and it gets tighter and tighter until it squeezes the life out of you. "
No one should face abuse alone. Survivors and advocates say it's our collective responsibility to hold survivors close, uplift their voices, and offer them the unwavering support they deserve. Because Combined with a survivor's inner strength, the impossible becomes possible.
If you or someone you know needs help the domestic violence hotline is 800-799-7233.
Watch Video Below of Bailey being celebrated by the New Orleans Family Justice Center
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