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Advice for helping someone dealing with sudden loss

'... there's no magic words I can say that's going to give them the comfort...'

NEW ORLEANS — We saw an outpouring of public support for the family of long time FOX 8 anchor Nancy Parker, but what they'll go through beyond the memorial service Friday will be more private.

Hundreds of people attended the service at Xavier University, but what words could they or any of us offer to a family when they lose a loved one so suddenly?

"There are no magic words you can say to someone that's going to fix any of this, there's no magic words I can say that's going to give them the comfort that they need,” Faith Berthey said. “That can only come from God.”

Faith Berthey is one of four chaplains with the New Orleans Police Department.  Part of her job is to minister to people or officers, sometimes on the worst day of their lives.

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"Often the scenes that we're called out on the people have lost somebody suddenly because often, unfortunately, it's a murder and so of course, that's something nobody is expecting," Berthey said.    

She's understands the shock.  Berthey lost her son John to murder years ago, but she says even her personal loss, doesn't fully inform her on someone else's grief.

"I lost a child, and I never say to a mother, ‘I know what you're going through,’ because I don't know what it's like for her to lose her child. I only know what it’s like to lose my child.  Very few people get to say goodbye in those situations or in those circumstances and it leaves a lot of unanswered questions," Berthey said.  

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Berthey says for Nancy Parker's family or anyone who's trying to process a sudden loss, it's important to seek counseling, both professional and spiritual.  Berthey says that will guide them in what will be a lengthy journey to healing.

“Tomorrow it's not going to happen.  The next day it's not going to happen.  there is a long road ahead for this family, but it's a road that they can walk, and it's a road that God will walk with them,” Berthey said.  

For more information about grief and bereavement counseling, click here.

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